Great Expectations

I’m beginning to comprehend the impossibility of ever fully knowing a person. More than anyone, myself. Ever evolving and eternally seeking, I’ve much to learn of me.

I’ve always prided myself on being a rational individual. Emotions tend to blur logic and disfigure reality. However, I’m realizing that my need for order may be limiting my ability to be empathetic and understanding toward others. What I thought was an exclusive strength of character, has revealed its duality.

Who we are is heavily influenced by those closest to us. Knowing that the lives and decisions of others have a strong pull on us individually is nerve wracking. To protect myself, I seek order in all communication. If a relationship is deterred from my ideal structure, I panic. And if I can find no suitable alternative, I retreat.

I fear a dominoe effect; if you fail at playing your role- because I am so intricately linked to you- I too will be adversely affected. While, my worries aren’t unjustified, they are founded by naive ideals.

All relationships are flawed.

We only serve as a limitation to human relation, when we are defensive toward communication outside the lines.

I don’t get to dictate whether or not someones efforts fit into my structure of who they should be. It makes me sad and sometimes angry when I see people dwelling beneath their potential. It’s honestly a projection of my self disappointment. I want others to pave the way for me, so that I can pave the way for the next generation.

Unfortunately, life is messier than everyone playing their part to perfection. And while we should refrain from putting complete faith in one person, we can choose to highlight what’s best about each individual. Let’s break the habit of pointing out fallacies and shortcomings in our relationships. If we encourage each other more, we wouldn’t have to beg emotional accommodations as often- they’d be gladly given.

Some relationships are destined to a temporary existence,  but some are just off the beaten path waiting for exploration. We all have great expectations. They are welcomed, but consider the possibility that your expectations lie in wait on a path you did not create.

“O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.”

The Blessing in a Storm

Patterns of light vividly cracked the sky as I drove beneath an angry storm. Marvelous is the art of an enragaed firmament. Humbled by the Tempest, I slowed my speed considerably and turned my wipers to the highest setting. My fear grew with each splendid flash of light and I was momentarily blinded by its illumination. I had no recourse but to continue forward through the elements. I said a prayer for my safety and continued my drive with confidence.

Listening to my music and enjoying the ride, I began to overlook the circumstances in which this drive was taking place. That was, until I emerged. It’s amazing how suddenly chaos can turn into peace. Upon escape, my first observation was the clarity of my windshield. I was inclined to reach out and touch it to ensure it was truly there. All the things I thought I was seeing perfectly prior to the storm had become more apparent.

Maybe I wasn’t seeing at all before. I think it possible that an unrelenting storm was what it took to clear my vision from any distortions.

Trials and hardships are difficult to appreciate when we’re in the thick of them.   Our natural instinct is to be combative toward our adversity, but what if it simply wanted to be understood. 2nd Chronicles chapter 20, verse15 tells us that the battle is not ours, but God’s. We become angry by exhausting ourselves, fighting battles that don’t belong to us. Allow God to instruct you on what position to take during your trials.

When I drove through that storm last night, my confidence was not in myself, but in the prayer I sent to the Lord asking him to protect me. If we try by our own efforts to overcome, we may miss the blessing in the storm. Give your battles  to God, so that you can stand in position to receive the gift from the storm.

I feel led to close this post with a prayer for anyone who may be in the midst of a trial-

Father God, I come to you today on behalf of those of us who are struggling in a battle. I pray that you would send comfort and peace even amidst our violent storms. Lord, give us the strength and courage to hand over our battles to you, for you said that the battle is not ours, but yours. Help us to trust you with every part of us- physically and mentally.  Let us lock no door from you out of shame or guilt, for your grace is sufficient for our struggle. Right now, in your powerful and precious name Jesus, I bind sickness, pain, betrayl, unforgiveness, resentment, self destruction, poor relationships, school, work, and anything else that may be hindering us from you. Lord, show yourself to those of us who struggle to believe in you and your power. 

In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen