In the midst of the urgent call to stay put, I’m moving— literally. Shoes, folded curtains, and notebooks lay strewn about my apartment floor awaiting their temporary cardboard homes. Although exhausting and chaotic, relocating brings about a freedom rarely found in the comfort of familiarity. It’s a fresh start that paves the way for me to decide what stays and what goes.
With packing, comes purging.
Tonight was movie night. I eighty-sixed the popcorn—in my case, kettle corn—and cozy blanket and grabbed a cute cuddly brown box instead. I pulled in a deep breath as I plopped down in front of my t.v. stand. Faux fireplace ablaze, I popped open the entertainment door and grabbed the first handful of DVD’s, of which only a few made it into the box. I didn’t linger on the titles that were placed into the toss pile for fear that I’d lose my nerve to really throw them away. Both my favorite movie and show found themselves among the discards and to be honest, I was pretty sad about it.
As I scanned the covers of my newly departed, a question was breathed into my spirit: Are these movies worth separation from me?
I firmly placed the remainder of the gotta go DVD’s into the pile in which they belonged. I couldn’t trade intimacy with God for a few carnal laughs and a fight in the back of a limousine. Every single day, I pray for God to purge my heart of everything that separates me from Him, and almost everyday, I feel like I’m being told to let go of something else. My eyes are welling as I write this because sometimes, I feel like I’m losing myself to God. With His righteousness living on the inside of me, at times I’m barely recognizable to myself. And on the brink of 30, having to choose a new favorite movie has me a little unglued.
Though I sometimes feel lost, I know that I am never more found than when I am lost in the savior’s love. This move isn’t just about a physical relocation, God is calling me to a deeper level in Him. But there are things I’m holding onto currently that will have no place in this next phase. So just as I am getting rid of all the items in my home that don’t serve a purpose to the person I am in Christ, God is ridding me of carnal ways that don’t serve a purpose in His kingdom.
Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.