FYI: I originally wrote this post in October of last year. I’ve certainly grown since then, but I happened to stumble upon it today. It reminded me of how important it is to reflect on our growth. Enjoy 🙂
I just finished watching a TED Talk called, “Falling in Love is the Easy Part.” It centered around a 1997 experiment that claimed two people could fall in love by answering 36 soul baring questions. Actually, it centered around a woman who tested this theory, and fell in love.
The idea that something as abstruse as love could be attained through a series of questions intrigued me. The more I listened, the more compelled I was to try it.
I knew immediately who the perfect candidate was for this experiment:
I know, I know, cue the eye rolls.
But I’ve been so detached from myself lately; I thought, maybe crawling into the bowels of my mind through 36 vulnerable questions might offer some relief.
As I read the questions to myself, a common theme surfaced in the heart of my answers and what I ended up getting from this experiment, was insight; a deeper understanding of how I view myself.
In particular, my answer to question 4 of the experiment sunk to the pit of my stomach
What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Without hesitation, the answer all but leaped from my lips-
A day where I didn’t doubt myself.
Doubt. Not a day goes by where I don’t question myself. I know having insecurities isn’t a novel emotion, but it’s counterproductive.. It takes up too much of my day, my life- my existence. It’s not that I’m a self loathing person, but sometimes, I’m too hard on myself.
I’ve always felt handicapped at life. Like, two plus two never seems to equal four in my case, and things that occur naturally for others, I can’t seem to figure out. It’s like after 26 years of living, I’m still trying to figure out how to breathe.
That’s my problem; I’ve been trying to do it on my own. We are not expected to be our own savior. Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross so that in our weakness, we could be lifted by His strength.
God awakened life in the first man by breathing into his nostrils. How much more satisfied we would be if we understood that in that breath, was everything God knew we would need as his creation. We weren’t shorted in love, worth, or anything else.
Our worth is not something to be gained or achieved, it is what we simply are because we were created in His image and likeness.
I allow the part of me that wants to be better to cast a shadow on the parts of me that God has already made good. Right now, drowning in my flaws, I am still more precious than all the riches of the Earth to God.
It’s time I start walking in that reality. If I fail, I fall on God’s grace. As long as my primary focus is on Him, he will direct my path. I trust His guidance in my life. I’m no longer going to view myself through my eyes, but through the lenses of The God that created me.
I wasn’t searching for love in those 36 questions; I was on a quest for worth. My heart was telling me that I had to prove myself worthy of love. It’s the biggest deception Satan tries to convince us of and it’s just not true. Two plus two will never equate to four if we continue to add our doubt.
I know it’s a journey, but I’m going to focus on being more loving and accepting toward myself. I know that what God has for me is right beyond the cloud of dust I’ve created, I just have to trust Him.