A Revolution of Love

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m crushed over Brangelina’s split. Despite the controversy that surrounded their relationship, I genuinely wanted them to make it. I’m sorry that they didn’t.

In the aftermath of the news, I’m basically losing it. Brad and Angie were my final straw and now that they’re no more, I’m coming clean about my marriage woes.

        

Lately, I’ve been a little apprehensive toward the prospect of marriage. The idea use to excite me, but now it makes me feel just the opposite- scared. If forty to fifty percent of American marriages end in divorce, how can I expect mine (when it happens) to last? I’m not any better than anyone else, so what am I going to do differently than half of the country to ensure a lasting marriage?


I should probably mention that I’m not dating anyone right now, nor have I ever had a boyfriend. But as a single female with hopes of one day getting married, I think my concerns are warranted.


I know that there’s no one answer to why marriages fail and that each case is different, but we have to acknowledge the existence of a common denominator- even if we don’t know what it is.

My views aren’t naive; I’m not waiting to be swept up on a magic carpet and adored endlessly by some debonair prince.

          

I know that marriage is hard work and that it comes with many challenges, but…

Doesn’t everyone know that?

I guess knowledge and experience yield different results…

I used to think I had the answers to a successful marriage. I thought that if a person set standards and married into them, their union would last- simple. But I realize now, that while standards are important, marriage is much more complex than a checklist.

As I sit, pondering the convoluted world of marriage and relationships, one word comes to mind:

Love.

I mean, right? It’s the one word (aside from money) that starts and ends a marriage. It’s about love. At least that’s what we’ve led ourselves to believe- that love conquers all. We see it over and over again, people getting married because they’re in love, getting divorced because they’re not.  Joining a union for love seems right, and for a while, I’m sure it feels right. But the problem with love, is that it has too many definitions and it’s interpretation is dependent on people. 

Human feelings and emotions aren’t stable enough to be the foundation of a marriage. We change our minds without blinking and we believe in the right to act on those changes.

I don’t want to give someone that kind of love, nor do I wish to be loved in that manner.

Love needs a revolution. One that would restore its power to the cross. Jesus’ sacrifice was the ultimate act of love. We all know the story, but perhaps we’ve become numb to it. I implore you, familiarize yourself with Jesus’ existence on this Earth. You’ll find that He is the embodiment of love. In fact, that love cannot exist outside of Him. And in truth, that He is love.

So because Jesus set the standard, I refuse to be loved with anything short of His love. Likewise, I refuse to give anything less than the love He has filled my heart with.

This is not a declaration that marriage won’t come with challenges, it most certainly will. It’ll be frustrating, impossible sometimes, maybe I’ll feel suffocated or want to be free, maybe I’ll change and he won’t, what if I grow and he doesn’t, what about money, and God forbid- what if we fall out of love?

Yet, unconditional love knows no bounds. Jesus has yet to leave my side, despite my disobedience, frustration, the times I’ve blatantly done things to hurt him, ignored him, not trusted Him, given up on Him, kept things from Him, put others before Him, neglected spending time with Him…

The list is infinite, yet He has remained. And as a reflection of His heart, my love will not run out.

So, no, I don’t have all the answers to a successful marriage- I have one.

Love and be loved with the heart of Jesus.

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19 thoughts on “A Revolution of Love

  1. That quotation from Maya Angelou branded itself on my heart when I read it. Great post altogether but wow. I actually got to see her in Chicago a few months before she passed and it was really amazing. Great post, thanks!

  2. Wow, this is awesome, I like to think I’m still with my husband for those reasons, I know tts Gods wi’ll for us to stay together and when we are not happy. ..so what, happiness is predicated on happenings, that’s the human factor, I like what you pointed out, not the obvious, but the profound LOVE OF JESUS TOWARDS US, AMEN LITTLE SISTER/DAUGHTER IN THE LORD! !!. I pray all your dreams and aspirations cone to pass. LOVE YOU

  3. Wow, this is awesome, I like to think I’m still with my husband for those reasons, I know tts Gods will for us to stay together and when we are not happy. ..so what, happiness is dependent on happenings, that’s the human factor, I like what you pointed out, not the obvious, but the profound LOVE OF JESUS TOWARDS US, AMEN LITTLE SISTER/DAUGHTER IN THE LORD! !!. I pray all your dreams and aspirations cone to pass. LOVE YOU

  4. “I know that there’s no one answer to why marriages fail and that each case is different, but we have to acknowledge the existence of a common denominator- even if we don’t know what it is.”

    And the ending. such a blessed piece. ❤

  5. Powerful! You’ve got it right. The prospect of marriage today is frightening… except for God. Religion won’t make a strong marriage. I’ve seen a lot of failures even in the church. But if at least one partner has the kind of love that comes from God alone, a marriage can survive and thrive. (I’ve known couples where the other partner never came to know the Lord, but they are “successful” because the believing partner prays over and wraps the relationship in godly love–serving, sacrificing and standing strong in the Lord.) Thanks for being honest and pointing to hope in Christ.

    • Thank you Dawn, your words give me hope! I LOVE that you know of marriages that last because at least one of them wraps the marriage in God. I can’t imagine how difficult that may be though. It kind of reminds me of a book I read recently, “Lies Women Believe and the truth that sets them free.” Have you read it? It talks in depth about marriage and our carnal expectation of it vs how God intended it to be.

  6. LOL. I am so laughing right now. I worked on research for that book! I actually work for Nancy DeMoss (now married–her name is Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth) as a researcher/reviewer. She wrote “Lies Women Believe.” Her new book–it just came out–is “Adorned:Living Out the Beauty of the Gospel Together,” based on Titus 2… a great discipleship/mentoring resource. I work for Nancy’s ministry, Revive Our Hearts (reviveourhearts.com), and write for their outreach blog, TrueWoman.com. Small world, right?

    • Omg, that’s hilarious! It is indeed a small world! That book is amazing- it changed my perspective and understanding in so many ways on my role as a woman. So, I owe a thanks to you as well for your contribution to the book! It was a tough life book:) I will definitely have to check out her new book, ministry, and the blog! Thanks for the info Dawn!!

  7. I know I’m a bit late to the discussion, but it is a wonderful article you wrote. I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment, so much so that I also wrote a book that attempts to clarify the difference between how we love each other vs. what God intended and Jesus demonstrated. The tagline for my book “Love… Like You Mean It” stresses your point: love is not a hollow declaration from the lips, it’s a resolution in the mind, a determination of the heart…it’s a choice. Thank you for your thoughts! Maybe we can change the world’s perceptions, one at a time.

    • It’s never ever too late to join in 🙂

      “Love…Like You Mean It,” where can I buy it?!

      It makes me feel better to hear people so receptive to this concept. Idk, I just think many of the things that we, ‘fall out of love,’ about are natural parts of the human experience. Which in itself, is ever changing due to experience and circumstances etc. I think that if we could experience true love for and from one another, it would be the beginning of the greatest love there is.

      Thanks for your comment! & I can’t wait to read your book!!!!

      • Absolutely! In fact “falling out of love” is the topic of one of my chapters, pointing out the fallicy of following our fickle/changing emotions instead of our deeper needs, responsibilities and commitments to one another and God. “Self” has always been our downfall, OUR wants, OUR needs, OUR importance…that’s not the way Love was intended! I certainly wish we could get more people on board with that concept, so keep up your great work! Oh, there are links to my books on my blog PRHuckans.wordpress.com or direct link to a print version is https://www.createspace.com/6864264
        I think you’ll enjoy it!

      • True joy, happiness and contentment will always be found in serving others! Jesus set the example, He’s still waiting for us to figure it out! As sociey moves further away from Him, we move further away from love and morality and yet can’t seem to see the correlation. Thanks so much for helping spread the messages that need to be heard.

  8. i am Happy people see Jesus as a role model here. it is great to see people aspiring to follow his blue print. As for the talks on Marriage the beginning matters which is the foundation anyone that is not guided by God and he or she chooses the wrong partner there is bound to be problems and we must open our eyes and minds to things that are pivotal that we have to consider before getting married compatibility, Maturity, Understanding , Love is helpful in the initial stage but it does not suffice for the latter stage.
    and if you feel depressed and alone come to Jesus he has a lot of fascinating things to tell you. you can also read helpful revealing materials on spiralofthyrayvelation.wordpress.com

    • Thanks for the compliment on my name Akpederi! You have such great insight, thanks for sharing! I do agree and think that all of our emotional deficiencies should be met with delving into a deeper relationship with the Father.

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