Great Expectations

I’m beginning to comprehend the impossibility of ever fully knowing a person. More than anyone, myself. Ever evolving and eternally seeking, I’ve much to learn of me.

I’ve always prided myself on being a rational individual. Emotions tend to blur logic and disfigure reality. However, I’m realizing that my need for order may be limiting my ability to be empathetic and understanding toward others. What I thought was an exclusive strength of character, has revealed its duality.

Who we are is heavily influenced by those closest to us. Knowing that the lives and decisions of others have a strong pull on us individually is nerve wracking. To protect myself, I seek order in all communication. If a relationship is deterred from my ideal structure, I panic. And if I can find no suitable alternative, I retreat.

I fear a dominoe effect; if you fail at playing your role- because I am so intricately linked to you- I too will be adversely affected. While, my worries aren’t unjustified, they are founded by naive ideals.

All relationships are flawed.

We only serve as a limitation to human relation, when we are defensive toward communication outside the lines.

I don’t get to dictate whether or not someones efforts fit into my structure of who they should be. It makes me sad and sometimes angry when I see people dwelling beneath their potential. It’s honestly a projection of my self disappointment. I want others to pave the way for me, so that I can pave the way for the next generation.

Unfortunately, life is messier than everyone playing their part to perfection. And while we should refrain from putting complete faith in one person, we can choose to highlight what’s best about each individual. Let’s break the habit of pointing out fallacies and shortcomings in our relationships. If we encourage each other more, we wouldn’t have to beg emotional accommodations as often- they’d be gladly given.

Some relationships are destined to a temporary existence,  but some are just off the beaten path waiting for exploration. We all have great expectations. They are welcomed, but consider the possibility that your expectations lie in wait on a path you did not create.

“O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.”

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5 thoughts on “Great Expectations

  1. Hey, Nicole: The Buddhists have a concept of “co-creation” that resonates when I read this. I don’t remember where I first encountered it – Thich Naht Hahn’s The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching comes to mind, but it’s a little dense.

    Unconditional Love, which is God, is a restless searching for contexts in which our uniqueness is affirmed. Its reward and joy are to empower fulfilling relationships that enable the participants to enrich each other and spread the circle of their affirmation. Its sorrow and shame is to see that investment perverted to hoard power.

  2. “Ever evolving and eternally seeking, I’ve much to learn of me.”

    Awesome. Truly. Reading your words feels like we’re in the presence of something holy, powerful, fun, pure, invigorating… like the time I sat alone and watched a sunrise over the Pacific Ocean.

    Thank you, Celestial. Your words are life-giving. Your words are not just relatable… your words are really stirring something inside. Havent felt this way in many years. I’m feeling a resurrected desire to write… so I can see myself again. You know what I mean. It has been 6 years since my last entry on my own wordpress blog. Kinda scary to commit to the blog thing again. Not as tough as giving up Facebook but close. 🙂

    Whisper a prayer for all of us who are inspired by lovers of wisdom/God like you… that we can tap the brakes on our frantic lives and make time for what is important…as you have… and reach for Heaven in a new way. Maybe I’ll get to know me along the way.

    • If you only knew what it took for me to, one, admit my love for writing and then actually put myself in a space to pursue that love. It’s interesting because I find out so many things about myself, about life, and God through my writing. If I didn’t write, many things would remain hidden from me. If it’s in you, it’s in you and you have to let it out. All of us artist know how scary it can be to put our work out there…we’re essentially baring our soul to EVERYONE and just hoping for the best. But remember that your gift isn’t only for others, there are parts of it that are reserved for you. You don’t necessarily have to commit to blogging- what if you just journaled. For yourself. Should you write something that you feel others can be inspired by, throw it up on your blog:)

      As eloquent as I try to be, words fall short of my appreciation for compliments like yours. I’m glad that my work has reawakened the writer in you and I’m looking forward to reading your art:)

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