Useless and helpless. Is there a point to this circus? I wish I didn’t exist. I wish nothing existed. Is this even real- am I real? I never want to get out of bed again. I’m exhausted from worrying, I’m done trying, and I’m tired of being…
Please tell me that I’m not the only one who has encountered these weird and extreme melodramatic bouts of dissatisfaction with life?
It’s a scary state of mind to engage in, yet I find myself frequently playing host to these emotional demons. What’s most odd about these experiences are how temporary they tend to be. Sometimes they last a day or two, and other times, only a few hours. It’s an elusive mix of emotions that has become increasingly daunting.
Not only is it a dreadful frame of mind to fall into, it’s also very draining. By the time it’s over, I have no energy left in my spirit to promote the parts of my life that are most important.
I am conducting a self study in an effort to decipher where these emotional spasms derive from in order to figure out how I can gain control of them. It has almost been a month since I deactivated my Facebook account and it’s not surprising that it has been during this time that these spurts of depression and sadness have increased.
American popular culture has put itself in a precarious state and with it, us as individuals. Over the last decade, self indulgence has become the priority of the people. An arguable second, is how quickly we can drown ourselves in those indulgences. Television shows, advertisements, books, and movies, all contribute to this culture.
Our society tells us, if it feels good-do it. If you want it- get it right away. It is this exact lack of self discipline that has led us astray. When we detach ourselves from the media, we are forced to understand that real life requires real work. We become conflicted between idealism and realism and we lose touch with how to handle everyday life. We spend so much time entertaining what we see on television and social media that when our lives don’t line up to those things, we feel useless.
Instead of giving into immediate satisfaction, we must learn to appreciate the art of the struggle. Success is much more gratifying when we can reflect on the journey. Understand that regardless of what anyone says, nothing happens overnight. If there is a goal we want to achieve, we have to work at it every day, be patient with ourselves and allow room for development and growth.
Not everything we want is what we need, which can be difficult to accept. I think my emotional tantrums have been a result of my frustration that things are not happening as quickly and efficiently as I’d prefer. I have to teach myself discipline, despite what is being taught elsewhere.
We are a people stranded in the middle of a sea, depending on its salt water to quench our thirst. And why not- it’s beautiful, it looks clean, and it’s endless. But the water we drink is an insidious killer. Always satisfying in the beginning, making us crave its taste more and more. This water preys upon us, as we fall ill to its freedom. Our thoughts become delusional, and our judgement irrational as we vomit every single piece of ourselves back into its venom. If we don’t swim to shore in search of fresh water, the water of a mighty ocean will kill us.